How to Gain Power and Attraction

POWER. Some have it, some don't have it. Some crave for it, some lose it. Dictionary.com defines power as the ability to act, to accomplish something; in short, the possession of control or command over others. Throughout history, people are attracted to powerful people.

Power comes in many forms; in our cavemen days, power is the ability to hunt, to bring food back to the tribe. When the Roman Empire ruled the land, the senator with the most connections was seen as powerful. These days, a combination of social status - the car we drive and the money we have - signify our power.

Attraction

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So is power reserved for the few privileged ones or can an average Joe exude a great sense of power? Is power in-born, acquired or can it be developed? What is the structure of power? Why do some people get respected more often and attracts tonnes of business opportunities, better jobs, better prospects, better women or men to their lives while the others don't? How do we get ourselves from being the needy to being the wanted?

How to Gain Power and Attraction

Throughout my experience, I find that some people have short cut to power while others have to develop certain elements to gain those power. Yes, good-looking people have a short cut to power as people like good-looking people. Social psychology has proven research after research that good-looking people are "perceived" to be smarter, better and nicer. Men are automatically drawn to beautiful women and if we read Robert Greene's alluring once-start-cannot-stop Art of Seduction book, we will notify throughout history, women repeatedly use their natural beauty to overpower men. In ancient Japan, there were lady Ninjas known as Kunoichi, often disguised as Geishas (female entertainers), to get close to warlords.

Luxuries in the likes of a gold Rolex watch or a Patek Philippe watch will command us instant power. Other luxuries like BMWs and Mercedes Benz as well. An Emporio Armani suit for the men and Gucci handbags for the women. All these luxuries will instantly gain us higher social status. The same goes for titles like "Datuk" or "Tan Sri" in Malaysia or the knighthood "Sir" in England.

Ever wonder how common people like us can gain power? I've always been shy and timid when I was a kid - this is a great surprise to many people who know me today, simply because I always command attention and respect. I've learned the secrets from my many years in the business world, read lots of books in search for the formula and fortunately, I've found them. The best part is they are not that hard to put into practice.

What is the four "P's" of marketing? Price, promotion, place and ...? Packaging. So that's the first part. Packaging. We need to wrap ourselves effectively. We may not be born good looking but we must always look good. Body language experts tell us that people will judge us in four seconds from the moment they see us. This is before we even get to speak a word.

Is our shirt crisply ironed? Is it tidy and fashionable? Does the colour match? Are we well groomed? That means hair and nose hair. The same goes with women with armpit hair. That's an instant KO. I change my leather shoes every three to six months depending on the wear and tear although I know some men are still wearing his three-year old leather shoes for sentimental reasons.

Looking good is a choice and people know this. If we look good, people will assume we are successful, living a good lifestyle, and that automatically gains us power. And if we have great physique, it also conveys great health. Instant power. If we have bad sense of clothing, get an image consultant or just browse through various fashion magazines or the Internet for ideas.

Next is body language. How do we stand? Are our chins up? Are our arms always folded? Smiling? Firm handshake? Chest spread? Are we always looking into people's eyes while talking? I don't mean staring, which is a signal of hostility but genuinely staying focus on the other person.

The other thing about body language is our use of gestures. Move our hands a little more. Why? Because that takes up space, and powerful people always take up space. They own the space. It also adds more energy into the conversation, that's also dominance.

We may not be aware of our body language till now. Be aware of it; initially, it might be strange to be aware of it but after a while, we will get used to it. Be like an actor and act it out at first.

When we approach other people or a group during a networking or social environment, we have lower social power. Because high social value power people don't approach people, they get approached. That is why we need to look good and be aware of our body language. Be dominant but not aggressive. Dominant is power. Aggressive is violence.

Then comes our tonality and words. If you are in a networking function that is pretty noisy, it's always good to speak a little louder than usual. Because loudness is also dominance. Do not shout, but make sure people you are talking to can hear you.

Words have to come from our knowledge. That's why I'm an advocate of reading. Universities give us the basic knowledge to get a job and that's it. Learning is lifelong. The more knowledgeable we are, the easier it is to gain power. It also makes us interesting and entertaining.

Imagine we are invited to a very prestigious event with lots of high profile people, and they serve various good wines. Besides knowing wines are made from grapes and there is red and white wine, our knowledge of wine is basically zero. If the person we are talking to has to explain to you what Merlot or Cabernet Sauvignon is, who is likely to have more power?

Humour is also very important. It puts people at ease and melt the fear away. Unlike jokes, humour is often spontaneous and works really well. Some professionals even say a sense of humour reflects our intelligence. But don't end up being a laughing stock by trying to tell a stale humour. A worthwhile tip is to watch more comedy movies and observe how comedy is structured.

Another great skill all of us must have is storytelling. The main reason why storytelling works very well is because it's entertaining. If we can relate our story of a time when we were in Egypt and there was this lion that kept following our jeep around as if it was protecting us, it's definitely engaging. Great sales people are all great storytellers. Great speakers are all great storytellers. Great religious gurus are all great storytellers. Doesn't that tell us something?

Next, we should surround ourselves with powerful people. Birds of a feather flock together. If we are seen with powerful people, we are automatically associated with their powers. So improve on our networking skills. Then learn to build relationships and friendships.

Don't whine, bitch or complain. Those are very un-powerful behaviours, not to mention unprofessional as well. Typical traits of losers indeed. Powerful people talk about solutions. They are positive, upbeat and very optimistic. And they talk about useful things. Eleanor Roosevelt, wife of former US President Franklin D. Roosevelt, once said, "Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people." Guess where gossiping belongs?

Understand emotions. What makes people angry? Jealous? Fear? Happy? It was a big hit a couple of years ago when Daniel Goleman popularised the term Emotional Intelligence for success and leadership trainings. They said successful people and effective leaders have the ability to accurately read, interpret and manage one self's and other people's emotional states.

New sales people often fail because they cannot manage their own emotions and reactions to rejections. Powerful people know this and is able to response instead of react.

Ask great questions. Don't keep talking about how great we are, people would love the chance to talk about themselves as well. As powerful people, we must lead people into doing it. We do that by asking great questions and then listen. That's what great communicators do. Questions, talk, listen and questions. If we run out of interesting questions to ask, I suggest we get The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock.

One great example of a person who has all the qualities described above is probably James Bond. Take away the good look and luxuries he has, James Bond will always dress well, has good body language, is knowledgeable, is a great storyteller, has excellent humor, great at managing his emotions, very optimistic, and apt at networking, especially with women. Let's build our James Bond attraction.

How to Gain Power and Attraction

Hanzo Ng has been called the 'most influential sales trainer' by his participants and is highly demanded for his unconventional Sales Ninja training programs. He is also the author of Secrets of the Sales Ninja, available in major bookstores in Malaysia and Singapore. To Subscribe to Sales Ninja's Killer Newsletter, please visit http://www.SalesNinja.com

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The Manneken Pis Fountain - Favorite Tourist Destination in Brussels

Brussels is the charming capital city of Belgium with lots to offers ranging from world-class architecture buildings, monuments, and museums to wonderful cafes, restaurants, hotels, great shopping areas and vibrant nightlife. Brussels is fully packed with plenty of tourist places.

The Manneken Pis fountain is one of the favorite tourist destinations in Brussels. It is situated in the centre of Brussels city and attracts millions of visitors across the world. You will find a small bronze sculpture of a naked child. The statue of naked boy is decorated throughout the year. The statue of Manneken Pis is become the religious symbol in this charming city. Whenever the costume of the naked child is changed, you will see the grand ceremony after it, which include a speech and performance by the brass band.

Attraction

There is different opinion about the history of the charming statue. It is said that there are several legends from where such an unusual fountain was inspired. There is one story regarding renowned legend named Duke Godfrey III of Leuven. It is said that he was only two year old during the battle of Berthouts. According to this story, the Duke was kept in a basket and than hung in a tree so that the soldiers could see the Duke and be encouraged to fight the war.

The Manneken Pis Fountain - Favorite Tourist Destination in Brussels

There is another famous story about the Manneken Pis fountain history. According to this story, the wonderful city of Brussels was attacked by great foreign power. The enemy had planned to destroy the city with explosive. A Little boy of the charming city came to know about the terrible plan of enemy. He followed the enemy group who was going to light the fuse of explosive. When the enemy group had lit the fuse and left the place, that little child ran up and urinated on the fuse thus saving the million citizen of this wonderful city.

No one knows about the true history behind the Manneken Pis fountain. It was built around 15th century. The great sculptor Jerome Duqesnoy created the Bronze version of this wonderful fountain.

If you are traveling to Brussels for short breaks then don't miss to visit to this faboulous place. You can easily reached to the capital city by hoping on the high-speed Eurostar London Brussels train from London's St Pancras International train station to Brussels Midi station. Eurostar is a high-speed passenger connecting the people of UK to mainland Europe. It will hardly take 1hr 51min to reach this wonderful city.

The Manneken Pis Fountain - Favorite Tourist Destination in Brussels

If you want to visit Manneken Pis Fountain in Brussels, then read out important information regarding London to Brussels and Cheap Eurostar Tickets.

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How to Tell if a Girl Likes You - In 3 Amazing Ways

There are hundreds of signs which girls use if they like you but one word has many meanings at the same time one sign might have many meanings. Therefore it is very important to make sure that the girl you are thinking about does like you for sure before you act or make a move. Read on to find out some of the best and proven ways to tell if a girl likes you or not.

Focuses on you all the time- Have you ever witnessed her talking to her friends but focusing on you? When a girl normally tends to like someone she would talk to others but still would focus on you with constant stares. If the girl you are confused about is doing this than she does like you.

Attraction

She's always available for you- When a girl tends to like you she would make it a point that she is always available for you all the time and you would be on her priority list at all times. She would make it a point to notice what you like, what you do, what you are all about and would have millions of questions about you. She would always show up around you without any reason at unexpected situations.

How to Tell if a Girl Likes You - In 3 Amazing Ways

She gets jealous- Have you ever witnessed her getting red in the face when you are around or talking to other females? If this has happened to you than she does like you a lot. Girls normally tend to get jealous when the guy she likes or has a crush on is around other females and is giving attention to other girls. Girls tend to develop a possessive kind of an attitude towards the guy they like and would do the same towards you. She would act all happy as long as you are staring at her but would immediately get into the jealous mode the moment you concentrate on other girls. This is the one of the strongest determinant on how to tell is a girl likes you or not.

How to Tell if a Girl Likes You - In 3 Amazing Ways

What you don't know yet- Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman’s mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say. They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Read on to discover some of the most "Shocking Secrets" women don't want men to know- 9 Most Shocking Secrets Women don't want men to know

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How to Read Male Body Language and Signs of Attraction - The Basics of Attraction

How to read male body language and signs of attraction can be pretty easy. It is because body language is designed to be read and it is followed by his sense of attraction. Body language will reveal probably more information than speaking the words. You don't need to be a mind reader to be able to read him. All you have to do is pay attention to what he does.

Basic #1 - Eye contact

Attraction

If there are no rules in any relationship, there is however a rule in body language. To measure his interest simply count how many times you caught him staring and for how long he holds your gaze. Obviously when a guy is interested, he would want to get your attention through visual interaction.

How to Read Male Body Language and Signs of Attraction - The Basics of Attraction

Basic #2 - Body position

His body position can be interpreted in many ways. Usually when a man is interested, he will lean towards you when you are together. He also stands right next to you. If he does it this way, he wants you to be more than his friend.

Basic #3 - Preening

How to read male body language and sign of attraction are basically based on how he grooms himself on the spot. Usually he straightens his shirt and his tie. He would run his fingers on his hair and brush the "dusts" on his shirt that don't exist. As he does this, notice how he smiles. He might not be aware of it but you do.

Basic #4 - First impression

Since men know that women usually look into attitude more than the physical, they usually have the need to be polite all the time. He will always find his manners and become the gentleman that women crave.

There is really no need to be concerned about how to read male body language and sign of attraction. Men can be easy to read if you just pay attention to him.

How to Read Male Body Language and Signs of Attraction - The Basics of Attraction

Men are easy to please and men are easy to figure out. Find out all about his ways and how he acts around the women he likes at http://makeaguywantyou.com/ and be amazed about how easy things can get when it comes to relationships and dating. There are guaranteed ways and steps that are easy to understand and follow in order for you to have a happy and lasting relationship with the man your heart desires.

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The Secret Vision Board

Do you want to have a big house, big car, a lifestyle that you dream about?

Regardless of your current circumstances, all your dream can become real. What you need is to think and feel positively towards your dream.

Attraction

Although this may sound easy, many people find it hard to visualize their dreams with vivid feelings.

The Secret Vision Board

To have positive energy vibration, you need to start by generating the feeling to make you feel as though you have already achieved your dreams. How can you go about generating such energy vibration?

This article aims to show you how you can generate and sustain positive energy by creating a vision board. Creating your vision board allows you to paint your dreams in advance.

Here are some key points you should use to create a effective vision board.

(1) Connect Your Feelings with The Pictures

Lets start off by getting a large sheet of white paper (6 feet by 6 feet. In Singapore, we call this
mahjong paper).

Next, you need some unwanted magazines. You are going to flip through these magazines and cut out the pictures which catch your attention. If you can't find the appropriate pictures, go to the internet to search for them and print them out with a color printer.

Next, go through these pictures which you have cut.

Ask yourself why do you choose them? How will you feel if you already have all these things in reality? Remember the positive feelings which you have.

(2) Keep Those Pictures Which Give You Positive Feelings

After Step 1, you may realize that you do not want some of the pictures you initially thought you want.
It is absolutely alright to feel in this way. You have just heightened your awareness level to what exactly will make you feel happy.

The key is you should only have the things you want on your vision board. There is no compromise on this. Even if you only end up having one picture, so be it.

A vision board, like your life is a self-discovering journey. Along the way, you may discover other
things you appreciate in your life. You can still cut out those pictures and stick them on your vision
board.

(3) Use Big Pictures

Use big pictures and big words to represent your dreams. You want to be able to see your vision easily.

(4) Do not Limit Your Imagination

In one of the interview report, Bob Proctor said that one common mistake people made was they often go after what they think they can achieve rather than what they really want.

Your task is to declare your true intention to the universe. Do not limit your imagination to what you
can ask for based on your perceived value of what you can achieve currently.

You do not need to know how to achieve your dreams. This is Universe's domain knowledge.
When your energy level and thoughts are in alignment, the universe will show you the way.

(5) Pin Your Vision Board At a Convenient Place

Once your vision board is ready, pin it up at a place where you can see it everyday.

Ideally, this place should be somewhere you will see first thing in the morning and last thing before you sleep.

See your vision board twice a day. Remind yourself of the feelings attached to the pictures you have cut out. Carry this feeling with you throughout the day and release it to the universe through your actions.

Now some of you may still doubt if this works. It absolutely does! How do i know? I did the same thing
and in just three weeks, I started to see my vision manifesting into reality.

So don't doubt the power of the secret vision board!

The Secret Vision Board

Karen Lim is a Personal Development Expert in Law of Attraction. She shows people around the world HOW to apply Law of Attraction in their life to attract more money, better health & better relationships. Visit her website today to learn the Success Formula and grab your FREE Law of Attraction Reports to turbo-charge your life! [http://www.secretofunlimitedprosperity.com/rights/freereport.php].

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Signs of Male Attraction - 5 Signs He's Interested in You

You think a guy is attracted to you, but you aren't sure. He might be sending you mix signals. You probably don't want to embarrass or humiliate yourself by asking him. So, what I'm going to do is share with you some signs of male attraction.

That way, you will know if a guy is really interested in you and what you can do to make him yours.

Attraction

The 5 signs of male attraction are:

Signs of Male Attraction - 5 Signs He's Interested in You

1. If a guy always wants to spend time with you, he's attracted to you. He enjoy being around you. And he thinks you're a cool person to hangout with. He probably wants a serious relationship with you. He probably won't make a move because he doesn't want to make things awkward between you and him.

2. Another sign of male attraction is if a guy wants you to meet his family and friends. What he's doing is getting the approval from the people that matter most to him. This is good for you. Most likely, you will pass this test.

3. If you notice that he seem to always call you or send you text messages all the time, he's attracted to you. He wants to see how you are doing and probably want to know if you want to hangout with him later that day. Also, if he calls you to make sure you are ok when you go out with your friends, he cares a lot about you.

These are some signs of male attraction. If you notice that a guy is doing any of these signs, he's probably attracted to you. You should do something about it. If you don't, another woman will make a move. And you will never know how your future would have turned out with him.

Signs of Male Attraction - 5 Signs He's Interested in You

Did you know that most women will never find true love? Actually, most women will never experience the feeling of being in love. If you are serious about finding your perfect man, go to http://www.attract-your-dream-man.blogspot.com now. This information has helped many women, just like you, find their perfect guy and true love.

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The Seduction of a Married Man

What is it about a married man that is so irresistible?

It must be something because so many women fall for it. Just this week I encountered two women who have slipped into the trap of fatal attraction for a married man. It is dangerous territory and I do not recommend that anyone go there. I speak from experience having invested part of my life in a relationship with a married man. Iam not writing about this subject to lecture or be judgmental or even to speak from my soapbox about what I know that you don't. My intention is to expose the underhanded tactics, even if unintentional, of men and the naiveté of women that permits these relationships to flower.

Attraction

What is it about women that make them susceptible to the charm and attraction of an unavailable man?

The Seduction of a Married Man

The unavailable man is very attractive to women who do not want to be controlled by a man. He can provide sporadic attention, sex, usually at regular intervals, definitely advice even when you don't ask for it and gifts. You don't have to live with him,which means no snoring, picking up after him, and usually freedom to comeand go as you please. The disadvantages include limited spontaneity,lack of availability on weekends and holidays and never being his number one priority.

This is not to say that men do not fall for married women. I am
certain that the statistics will support that almost as many single men fall for married women but the dynamic between themis much different than that of the single woman and the married man. Obviously, I have more experience with the married man syndrome.

Women in general are used to getting seconds.

What I mean by that is that women choose to settle for less than
what they want. Okay, I expect outrage from most of you who are
reading this but hear me out, please. In this country, men have the power. Look around you, how many women president's do we have? How many in the Senate, Congress, CEO's of Fortune 500 companies? How many women make as much money as men do? Consider teaching and nursing, two professions primarily occupied by women, what percentage of men are in the profession and what percentage ofthose are in charge? How many men choose to stay home with thchildren while their wives work and support the family? You get the idea. Granted there are many more women in positions of authority, in medicine, the law, entrepreneurs,real estate, finance, business than ever before, but if you are going to be honest with yourself, it's still a man's world. This is okay.

We can live with the fact that men run the world, because women run relationships.

Women, you really are in charge of relationship even if you don't know it. You just need to raise the bar a little on what youexpect from your relationship. What I mean by women being used to settling is they don't ask. Let me give you an example. A woman friend of mine works for a big company; she uses her own computer and pays for her own Internet access even though the majority of her computer usage is for her work activities. She has asked the men who run the company to be reimbursed for the cost of her computer andInternet access and has been denied. Her first inclination was to accept this, until she realized: How many men who use a computer in their job, use their own computer let alone pay for their Internet access? Men expect to be provided with the tools that they need to do their job, women provide their own tools and accept it when they are denied reimbursement. Where does this willingness to be used originate? I think that it originated when women first began to invade the workplace. Women weren't greeted with open arms when they first arrived in the workplace. In order to be accepted, they worked twice as hard, longer hours, tolerated abuse in many ways that a man never would and were eager to please, seeking approval and acceptance by over responding. (Actually, women were welcomed in the workplace during World War II but only because men weren't available. When the men returned, the women were expected to go back home where they belonged.)

Much of women's acceptance of second-class treatment is their own fault, because they don't even ask for it to be different.

Okay, I am a little off the subject of married men, but let me
follow this through to the connection. Let's look at a wife. The
majority of wives work these days, they also are the primary
childcare provider, and most of them do most of the housework and laundry and cooking and shopping as well. They are also expected by their husbands to be sexy and ready for a quickie at the drop of his pants. Women do all this because they put these standards on themselves. They still expect that they have to do more and do it better because they are women. So where does a woman cut back? Usually it is in paying attention to her husband's primary needs. A man needs sex and most married men will tell you that the amount of sex that they get dwindles after marriage and especially after children. In addition, the amount of time that a woman has to devote to the nurturing, acceptance, approval and attention to her husband decreases proportionately with the addition of children, job responsibilities and a bigger house.

So this leads us to the plight of the married man.

Who is the married man? First of all he is a man. Men are results oriented. Men have a lot of testosterone. They aren't good at deciphering what women want, especially their own wives.The married man used to run his own life. He came and went as he pleased; he watched or played baseball whenever he wanted. He lived his own lifestyle. He could have his woman withhim whenever hewanted and she would pay all of her attention to him. Now he is marriedwith a couple of kids, a mortgage, a job he has because it pays themost, not because he loves it so much and a wife who used to cater to him exclusively who now has to divide her time between him, the kids, the house and usually her job. There was a commercial on TV not too long ago that shows a man thinking about his studly single days and how sexy he was in those days, with a child in a stroller. He is playing with his child and shopping in the grocery store and a woman is talking to her friend who comments he doesn't even know how much more attractive he is now than he was when he was a stud.

Men are pretty unconscious about what makes them attractive.

According to most women it is not their looks that make them
attractive, it is who they are and how they produce in the world. So this married man goes to work and comes home and goes back to work the next day. At work there is this woman. She is single, attractive, smart, capable, speaks his language andsomeone who has time to pay attention to him. It starts as an innocent flirtation. What goes through his mind is something like "Let's see if I still have it!" so he starts flirting just to see what happens. Not a surprise, she responds to the flirting by flirting back.

This is the beginning of the affair.

In his mind he is flattered, it is fun, and exciting and just a
little bit naughty. What could be more harmless? I'm married.I'm
safe. I can just have a little fun with this. So it continues.He
thinks he can just experiment a little. Let's see how charming and creative I can be. Let's see if I can get this woman to fall for me. In his mind it is not cheating. He hasn't done anything wrong. In the beginning, he even tells his wife about this woman. He tells her about how smart she is or about some accomplishment, usuallywhat made him notice her in the firstplace. Wives usually miss the first clues. The thought of the effect of his harmless flirtation onthe single woman does not even enter his consciousness. So the harmless flirtation continues. It makes the married man feel good. He is happier at home and everything seems hunky dory. He tells the woman his wife doesn't understand him, she doesn't have time for him, or she just is cruel to him and the other woman becomes his confidant and starts to believe that he really has no choice in the matter. He needs her because his wife is so ... whatever.

He now has both a wife and family and a woman on the side.

Recognize that this process may take several years and several
different women before anything actually happens in the way of an
affair. After several years of living a separate life from his wife while they live under the same roof, a married man is ready for a real affair. The reality is that an affair will occur whether it is an emotional or physical affair or even a cyber affair. No matter which way it goes, what occurs takes away from the married relationship.

What is true about the woman who gets involved with a married man is that she is looking for attention and affection.

Most likely she is not looking for a married man with whom she is plotting to have an affair. There are a few predatory women out there who do just that but the majority of affairs start out
naively. She is likely to have been previously hurt in a
relationship. She may or may not know that the man is married. What occurs first is she recognizes that he is paying attention to her. He may just listen to her. It may just be a momentary encounter where their eyes meet and a connection is made. They may be working together on a project and either of them may distinguishthemselves in some way. What initially happens is likely to be chemistry. What happens after that varies, however, it usually follows this pattern.

When the woman discovers that he is married, she will make it clear that she doesn't have relationships with married men.

That is the signal for the man to go into conquest mode.

He will pursue her possibly for years because he enjoys the chase. She will continue to refuse his advances as long as she cantolerate it or until he catches her at a weak and vulnerable moment. If she has a good relationship in her life, chances areshe can outlast him, but if she is single, available or married and unhappy, she will eventually succumb. Why? Because the man is so charming, heis wonderful, he is a knight in shining armor, he is a hero, he is this wonderful dedicated family man who is wonderful with his children and attentive to his wife. So the woman asks herself what is she doing?

She continues to say no and the more she says no, the more
aggressive and charming and attentive he gets. This is the ultimate male challenge, to win over a woman who is saying no even though he knows she really is attracted to him.

A married man will work harder than any available man to make a
woman fall in love with him.

He will be more charming, loving, attentive and wonderful than a
woman can imagine that any man can be. So what happens next is this woman who finally surrenders to her feelings for this man, asks him to leave his wife for her. The response from him will almost inevitably be one of two, but I'm married and I'll neverleave my wife or yes, I'll leave my wife, but not yet (she's not ready,my children are too young, I can't afford it yet, my mother won't approve etc.) Initially the woman will respond with anger. "If you love your wife what are you doing with me?" Here is the clincher that finally hooks the woman, he is committed to his wife and the woman buys into his honorable dedication to his wife and thinks if only I could have a man who loves me like that.

It is at this point in their relationship that the woman's final act of settling may occur.

Either she will end it and go off to nurse her broken heart,
wondering how he could have been so wonderful and such a heel atthe same time, or she will continue the affair and settle forbeing the other woman in his life. Either way the woman is damaged. The man will go back to his wife who was either completely unaware of the romantic drama or who also chooses to settle by living in denial of his infidelity. Then life goes on.

The other woman plays a significant part in the perpetuation of this man's marriage.

She makes it tolerable for him to remain in an intolerable
situation. She makes it possible for him to remain in a marriage
that doesn't satisfy him. That marriage situation can range from
boredom to outright contempt, but a man won't leave his marriage
until his wife has dismissed him, either consciously or
unconsciously. She makes it possible for him to deny that there is anything missing in his relationship with his wife. Therefore, the wife wins, if you can call it winning to stay ina relationship with a cheating man.

The purpose in discussing this at all is to emphasize the fact that women settle and men will cheat because they can. So, women, if you want your man to be faithful, you must pay attention and never settle for less than what you want no matter what the cost.

The essence of marriage is commitment. Why get married if you are not willing to commit to loving someone exclusively? The way that I see it, you don't have to get married to be together, so why do it if you don't mean it? I was married for 23 years and was strongly in favor of the concept of a renewable marriage license, similar tohow one renews a driver's license. The point of that beingthat at least very 3 or 4 years people who were married to each otherwould have to take a look at whether they still wanted to be with their spouse. If people were honest about their feelings, it certainly would take a chunk out of the 50% divorce rate.

On a more serious note, however, I really don't see any point in
getting married unless you are marrying someone with whom youhave sexual chemistry that you love totally, that you trust implicitly, and that you would rather be with than anyone else who alsofeels the same about you. That feeling of total trust isvery rare and itneeds to be nurtured. It's also good if you have similar values and goals in life. If and when you find someone that meets all ofthe above standards, you probably couldn't imagine wanting to bewith anyone else. That spiritual bond can be so strong andso valid that it would be out of the realm of possibility to violate it.

It is impossible to ever have that kind of trust if you enter a
relationship that originated with someone cheating.

So what happens to destroy that original bond? It is the woman'sjob to provide the appetite for pleasure and the direction for therelationship. This does not relieve men of any responsibility for it is their job to surrender to their woman's power and to produce results for her based on what she requests. So, in a relationship that is working the woman must continue to raise the bar for her man and believe in him. What does that mean? That she wants a bigger house, more expensive car, more children? Not necessarily although thosethings may be part of the picture. What it does mean is that she raises the standards of paying attention even when life is busy. It means that they make time for sex even when they don't have time. It meansthat each one of them stay vulnerable with each other even whenhe/she has done something that embarrasses them or is wrong.

In my marriage, I did it all wrong. I doubted his production,
thought I could do things better than him and lost my ability to
believe in him. When that happened, he quit producing for me and we spiraled downward into total mistrust of each other and
unwillingness to be vulnerable. I kept settling for less than what I asked for and he kept producing only what I believed he could produce. I just didn't know any better.

It's a fragile bond that must be protected and as far as I can see what will protect the bond of love is a woman expressing her
appetite that requests more than the man thinks he can produce and then even more vital is that she approves of him and believes in him until he produces it. The most significant element of maintaining a love relationship that works is that both parties must pay attention to each other and to what is happening in the relationship. Going to doubt or settling for less than what she wants is the beginning of the destruction of the delicate balance of the man/woman relationship. In this model of relationship, men and women are regarded as different entities with different needs. It relies on using the sex act as the metaphor for relationship, symbolizing men as producers and women as receivers.

There are no victims.

The Seduction of a Married Man

Web site: http://www.gettingwhatyouwant.com Buy my book http://www.HowToGetWhatYouWantFromYourManAnytime.com Enroll in an e-course http://www.RomanceReentry.com e-mail me at Susan@gettingwhatyouwant.com

"I help people who want sacred intimacy in a hot relationship, get what they want from each other so that they can experience more fun, more sex and less bickering!"

Susan Sheppard Getting What You Want

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